ewok_626 (ewok_626) wrote,
ewok_626
ewok_626

LJ_Idol = Week 10

Topic: Who's LJ is it anyway? Balancing personal expression and friends list sensibilities in determining content.

Have you ever had someone try and take your right to free speech away?

"You can't root for the Steelers!  The Steelers suck!  Root for the Packers, instead!"

"You can't talk about sex in your journal!  You're not married!"

I seriously hate it when people try to interfere with what I write in my journal.  To be fair, I know that some people are just joking and jabbing for fun.  There are others, however, who have stopped reading my journal because of how much I and my journal have changed over the past few years.

I've always told myself: if people don't want to read what I have to say, it's really no loss to me.  After all, people can skip the TMI posts to find out other things about my life.  They can read my Idol entries to find out about my past, present, and future.

Isn't it amazing how much we think about what other people will say before we post?  Quite frankly, it's frightening.  I've caught myself on a few occasions deleting curse words so that it won't offend the non-swearing people who read my journal.  Wait, why should I do that?  It's my journal, and that's the way I talk sometimes.  If these people really knew me, they'd understand why I would write like that.

I've stopped using "friends only" posts.  I occasionally use the "private" option, but only if it's about something that is only for my eyes.  My life is an open book online.  If anyone wants to know anything, just ask.  I'd rather answer a question than have rumors start about me.

My friends list is split in half: half are LJ_Idolers and the other half are from college or are close friends.  There is no possible way that I could deal with filtering every post I make just so that I don't offend someone.  Why should I have to apologize for who I really am?  It's ultimately my journal: if I want to talk about frogs humping, then why should I have to censor it just so that someone unfriends me and never talks to me again?  Everyone has the chance to get a journal.  In fact, I have three of them, but I only update this one.  I haven't touched the other two in months because those journals don't reflect the real me.  Ewok_626 is the real me.

Life is so frustrating.  You have to watch every little thing you say for fear of hurting someone.  Guess what: I don't bother anymore.  This is my private place to spread my thoughts and everyday life.  My friends can choose to love and accept who I am.  And if they ever feel the desire to stop, they also have that choice.  I just can't change who I am so that people will like me.

I hate changing myself for someone else.  I hate being someone that I'm not.  I played the "good little church girl" for 23 years... The last 12 years of that was pure hell.  Once I moved out of my parents' house, I made the decision to be my own person.  To not change for anyone.  I needed to really find myself and become the person I needed to be.  I was tired of being the person that my parents expected me to be.  (That last 12 years story I'm waiting to use for another topic.)

I'm ready to be myself.  For me.  Not for anyone else.  And my journal is the perfect reflection of that.  It's an extension of me to keep my friends up to date with my life.  And that's the extent of it.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt


~~~~
This is my entry for LJ_Idol.  Thank you for taking the time to read it!  Please make sure to read all of the entries and vote for your favorites on THURSDAY (watch! Kithan changed the day!).  I'll post a link when it's available!  *hugs to all*

Subscribe

  • No adulting today please?!

    I don't want to adult today. John and I are redoing our laundry room. We've been working in there for the past 4 days (cleaning, painting, moving…

  • I miss this place

    I got added to the "LiveJournal Lives" group on Facebook. I saw so many faces that I used to have on my FL (and most are still here but silent). I…

  • Glutton for punishment

    GRAP. Like I don't have enough to do right now... Working full time, starting a small business (LuLaRoe), and taking care of a house - let's add LJ…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 25 comments

  • No adulting today please?!

    I don't want to adult today. John and I are redoing our laundry room. We've been working in there for the past 4 days (cleaning, painting, moving…

  • I miss this place

    I got added to the "LiveJournal Lives" group on Facebook. I saw so many faces that I used to have on my FL (and most are still here but silent). I…

  • Glutton for punishment

    GRAP. Like I don't have enough to do right now... Working full time, starting a small business (LuLaRoe), and taking care of a house - let's add LJ…